Florida Whores.

"We're kind of like brothers and sisters, except that we have sex."

It's Not the Heat, it's the Stupidity.
Posting Access:
Anybody , Moderated
*Warning:* This is a very stereotypical community. We make generalizations and we don't care. Thanks for your understanding.

What started out as a community making fun of the vast amount of whores living in Florida has now turned into a parody of every single aspect of the state. Whether you're a stupid fucking tourist or a stupid fucking full-time resident, we welcome anyone who has ever been to the Sunshine State and has some stories to tell about it. Of course, some people enjoy this community more than others. Here's some tips to help you figure out whether or not you'll feel comfortable in this community:

You'll fit right in if...
  • You've ever had "the clap" or "crotch snot." Chlamydia is the whore disease of choice for most South Floridians, and it should be yours, too.
  • You are currently attending or have ever attended any of the following schools: University of Miami, University of Central Florida, or University of Florida. Before I get a bunch of hate mail from you angsty canes, I would like to note that not all UM students and alumni are whores. Some are dead.
  • You live in Tampa and smoke crack. This is the one place in the state where being a crack whore is not only an acceptable profession, it's also a viable alternative to getting a real job. So if you're from Tampa, we want to see you.
  • You live in Orlando and are twelve years old. Yes, you. The one with the breast implants and collagen lips.
  • If you live in North Florida and have ever been mentioned on JackOffVille.com. You know who you are: "Pale, Sick & Depressed girls with bad attitudes that usually have dyed black hair and stink", "Bebes (Pronounced BayBays) are big fat hoes with 50 Kids each sucking down WIC, Welfare and Social Assistance that WE pay for!", and of course, guys with mullets.
  • You're from Palm Beach and have a drinking problem. In other words, anyone from Palm Beach.
  • You live on the Space Coast and are overtly violent or a "holier-than-thou" scenester. Odds are, you're both. <321!
  • You're from Southwest Florida and haven't died yet. It's a little-known secret that what is known as the "retiree community" is a hotbed for whorish action. If you're not dying, you're probably sleeping around, and for good reason - "there's nothing else to do!"
  • You're from Miami. I've yet to meet one person from Miami who isn't a total wackjob in one way or another, so I personally extend the invitation to all Miami residents, regardless of race, creed, or immigration status.
  • You think Janet Reno is hot. Regardless of whether or not you agree with her politics, you have to admit, that was one hot dance party.
  • You know which Bush is the worst. You have had heated debates with non-residents over why Jeb Bush is worse than George W. Bush, but of course, the worst bush in any case is probably yours, you slut.

    This community is basically a spoof on what is contemporary Floridian culture. In other words, yes, this community *is* a joke. If you're upset that we're making fun of you / your town / your mother, grow a fucking backbone and come back and see us. Otherwise, have fun.

    The Big Cheese (Your Mods/Maintaners):
  • dpiddySean: Your Fearless Leader. Says the things that are on most people's minds and doesn't give two shits about who he offends. Consequently, is a very funny guy.
  • _ishkabibbleThe Katester: Your Apathetic Leader. Usually pays attention to what goes on, but doesn't give two shits one way or the other. Has a way of speaking in "word salad" that causes some people to think that she is schizophrenic.
  • thisisnotmyljMalli[motherfucking]Ringwald: Your Perverted Leader. Enjoys making jokes about strap-ons, 12-year-old boys, and urinating on unwilling persons. Malli is a great person to go bar-hopping with, provided she's wearing a catheter.
  • adamonecoEimmik: Your Uncommonly Kind Leader. There is very little you can do to annoy the placid, soft-hearted Eimmik. Before you ask, she gives through the office.

    Distinguished Alumni:
    roomforjillo: Former Tampa resident who moved to Tennessee for the ultimate job opportunity: getting paid to blow stuff up.
    keylolo: Lived here for a good two days, got tired of all the French Canadians who can't drive, and left. But she is still distinguished in the area of being hot.

    If you have any complaints, kindly direct them to _ishkabibble, who won't care.

    i support hot gay sex.

    Cool stuff:
  • Hogwild's trip to Miami Beach
  • Still more FL humor, courtesy of those wackos on the Space Coast. Some Dave Barry stuff can also be found here.
  • The Orlando Weekly
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